First Kiss
by PhoenixFuture
Summary: A comedy story about Dr. Owen Harper and Janet the Weevil.


**First Kiss**

_Short story mainly about Dr. Owen Harper and Janet the Weevil._

It was late Friday night at the Torchwood Hub. Tosh sat tapping away, her eyes moving from one computer screen to the next. Gwen was looking over the graphs showing unusual rift spikes. Jack was in his office with Ianto planning their next Weevil hunting trip. Finally, Dr. Owen Harper was completely still at his autopsy table. He just watched them all as his best friends moved around what he was beginning to call home. They seemed completely oblivious to how in danger they were working here. He had seen two deaths of workmates in his four years at Torchwood. First Suzie and now him. He thought about how long it would be until someone else...

Owen wanted to tell them to get out of here, to get a normal job but he couldn't to do it, for he wouldn't have swapped his time at Torchwood for anything. Owen was getting bored.

"Anything I can do?" He called out to everyone.

Jack and Ianto didn't look up; Tosh glanced his way before turning back to the screens. Only Gwen looked at him properly, but then it was always Gwen.

"There's nothing to do really tonight. You can help me look through these rift spikes or is it time for another Weevil check-up?"

In Torchwood traditional, every three weeks or so Owen would take one of the Weevils out of the vaults and see if he could come any closer to finding out their sex, eating habits and planet of origin. He knew that Gwen was trying to help but he needed something exciting in his life, not the same thing that he'd been doing every three weeks for four years. He needed excitement; Owen didn't know long it would be until the thing in the dark would get him... Owen didn't tell Gwen this but he must have showed it on his face. "I'll help you..." Gwen added, as she smiled kindly at Owen.

Owen managed a weak smile. "I'll go and get Janet..." and he headed off towards the Vaults. One advantage of his death was his control over the Weevils, he was 'king'. He smiled to himself but then it faded away as he recalled the old Weevil check-ups when Suzie would yank open the vault door as Owen leapt inside, tranquilizer dart at the ready. As Suzie heaved the door closed again Owen would put on a spectacular show of 'Weevil Wrestle' while Jack and Tosh stood by with Suzie, laughing. Suddenly Owen found himself laughing. He'd been stupid wallowing in his sorrow over his death; he realised he had to live every moment and try everything...

As Owen approached the middle vault, the water stained ceiling dripping nearby, he had a strange idea. He looked in the cage, and as expected Janet was down on one knee with her head bowed. He stared at the creature. Its eyes were as black as night, its teeth like razors, its old boiler suit was stained with grease, oil and blood. Owen was overwhelmed with pity for it. No matter how horrific it was or how many people it had killed in cold blood, it still wasn't its fault that it was here and it didn't want to be here either.

Owen snapped out of his daydream to find his tranquilizer dart lying on the floor by his feet. He looked to pick it up but found that his body couldn't move. He was opening the vault door. Even with his gift as 'king' of the Weevils he still didn't fancy walking in there without it. Before he knew it he had closed the door behind him and was walking towards the Weevil. He heard the alarm beep, alerting him that he couldn't get out without help. He knew he should shout for Gwen but...

He pushed Janet against the wall, as his lips met hers.

'What the hell are you doing Owen?' He thought, but his brain didn't seem to be controlling him anymore. 'Come on! Stop this!' But after realising he couldn't stop he decided to just wait until it was over. Janet twisted around so that now she was pinning him against the Victorian brickwork. Owen opened his eyes.

***

Gwen was sitting on the autopsy table, swinging her legs. She

looked miserably at her watch.

"Tosh, how long d'you think Owen's gonna be? Is he having trouble getting Janet down?"

Tosh started drawing up the CCTV pictures from down in the Vaults.

"I'm not sure. I thought he'd be fine, you don't think the Weevils have turned against him do you?" Tosh called back.

"Nah, that couldn't happen, could it?" Gwen replied as she bounded over to Tosh's side.

"CCTV Images Loading

95%"

96%. 97%. 98%. 99%

"Oh! My! God!!!!!" Gwen shrieks were met by the stunned silence of Tosh.

Up in Jack's office, Ianto pulled away from Jack, redoing his shirt buttons complaining "What now?"

"Come on, then." Jack said, somewhat annoyed. "What have we got, ladies?" He said grinning to the backs of Gwen and Tosh, leaning on the balcony railing.

They turned to face him together. He knew something was up.

"Owen's snogging a Weevil."

***

His eyes were met by Janet the Weevil. Her face was horrible. Her flat, wrinkled nose was touching his. Her skin was remarkably dry, and even more remarkably Owen was shocked to find that her deep-set eyes were closed and her usually scowling forehead was leaning against his. Her whole body language was weirdly romantic. Owen tried not to think about Janet's huge yellow teeth just millimetres away from his own.

Owen didn't know how long this kiss had been lasting. All of a sudden, Janet's head moved down to Owen's shoulder before she nestled into his neck. Once more, Owen's brain pleaded him to stop this but he found himself helpless. Janet's lips caressed his neck.

"Ow!" Owen cried out as Janet planted a Weevil-hickey on his neck.

Suddenly, Janet was being pulled off him, and Owen saw Jack wielding the now empty tranquilizer dart as the Weevil slumped to the floor. Owen was horrified to see that Gwen, Tosh and Ianto were standing watching, just metres away, all of their faces stunned into silent shock. Owen felt numb as Jack led him out.

Ten minutes later, Owen was sitting on his autopsy table being examined by Jack.

"Come on, Jack, get off me. I'm the doctor here."

"No, I think I'm the better one for this case. Just sit still." Jack moaned.

"So, you're an expert in alien hickeys, are you?"

"I know a thing or too, yeah." Jack grinned and once again Owen wondered where, or when, Jack was from. He sat still, silently scowling.

"Can I ask you something?" Jack asked without looking up from Owen's neck.

"Sure, 'cause you always answer all my questions." Owen replied sarcastically. "Fine," he sighed.

"What did it feel like, snogging a Weevil?"

'Great,' thought Owen. The first smirk had arrived.


End file.
